Autism Burnout Sucks
| 1117 words
| 2024 | Personal | Daily Life | Projects
Autistic burnout fucking sucks. I don't really know what's caused my burnout to happen because I'm not honestly someone who really knows how to mask, nor do I mask for very long periods of time, but I know that something is going on because it feels as though my autistic symptoms have been dialed up even more than they usually are. I'm getting more overstimulated more often, I'm avoiding large crowds of people more, my executive functioning skills are going down the toilet, and I feel an overwhelming sense of fatigue and lethargy, moreso than usual.
Despite this, I've been able to find some solace in working on my art projects, which makes this episode of burnout much different, since episodes in the past made me never want to look at an empty canvas ever again. Building my fursuit has been keeping me occupied most of all, since I'm really wanting to make sure I finish everything before CanFURence this year. As of typing this, I've finished my first ever nub tail, and I think it looks super cute and I'm very happy with it! This one uses a pattern from Mugiwara Cosplay on Etsy, which ended up being the perfect pattern for my project and was very easy to follow thanks to the video tutorial they provided.
Next I did the handpaws, which at first I thought the finished product looked like shit but I'm trying to be nicer to myself with my work, so for now I'll just say they at least look kinda finished?! I did give them another shave after this photo since there were still some pieces of fur sticking out, but at least they're done. Really, they were my first real pair of paws that I made that weren't just mittens covered in fur, so I suppose with that in mind they didn't come out that bad. Although next time, I think I'd rather use minky for the cuffing instead of bias tape, since bias tape has no stretch to it and it makes getting the paws on a bit harder when I already struggle with my fine motor skills. (I actually finished these in May, but wrote this entire journal entry in March. Hello from the present!)
I've also been able to get the inner pattern taping done for the head, but as of right now, there's not much more work I can do on the head, not until my mannequin head comes in the mail. I am pretty nervous for this process, as I've never sewn my own inner lining before, but I'm also looking forward to the learning experience that this will provide me. I'm also very, very nervous about the furring process, but it's not like this is my first fursuit that I've done with sewn seams, and this time I know not to just use a whip stitch for everything, so I'm at least blessed with having way more knowledge than I had on past projects.
I've also been working very hard on building up my art portfolio in order to open up commissions soon- I'm hoping to have them open by the end of April into early May, so long as things continue on schedule, but there's a chance I might have to push them back a little bit more if I continue to have flare ups and/or my burnout gets worse. I know, it probably isn't a good thing for me to be working myself through a burnout, but right now, art is just offering a much-needed outlet of expressing and distracting myself, and I figure that it's a plus if I'm able to earn a couple extra coins at the same time.
I like to keep my art brand and my personal presence on the internet relatively separated, but I don't imagine it would hurt if I shared my current art website with you all. Right now it's just a basic website that's been built with Carrd, since I don't have the drive to code an entire website from the ground up right now, but one day I'd love to make a separate Neocities website dedicated entirely to my artwork and commissions. Carrd does just fine for now though, especially because they make pretty accessible websites which is a top priority for me with my art website.
Other than working on my art projects, I've been keeping things relatively quiet, as to not make my burnout any worse. Although I was highly considering attending the Queens Of The Stone Age show that happened in my city just recently, but I unfortunately had to make the hard decision of not going in order to save myself from any potential meltdowns or worsening burnout, despite how badly I wish I could've gone. To make the decision even harder for me, QOTSA just so happens to be one of my favourite bands of all time, and I almost never get to go to concerts since the bands that I like only come to my city very infrequently, so this was a perfect opportunity that was calling for me. It just unfortunately had to happen at the worst time when I can't guarantee that a concert is even going to be a good time for me.
Well, I'm stopping this journal entry before I get too sad. All in all; things could be worse, but things could also be much, much better for me right now.